The Nechoma Greisman Anthology

Section 9: NECHOMA AS OTHERS SAW HER An outstretched hand in the fog of confusion

This Is What I Want to Be

Soon after we heard the unbelievable news of Nechomie's petirah, a close friend from the old days saw Rabbi Manis Friedman at a gathering in another city. She asked him for some help in dealing with her feelings. He answered her with great compassion "Special people have special lives."

In the benching, we ask that Hashem bless, "My mother, my teacher the mistress of this house." Nechomie truly excelled in all these roles. This article is a compilation of the reflections of the group of women whose gratitude to her will always be without limit. The journey to Yiddishkeit for a Baal Teshuvah is such a crucial period in their lives that every detail remains seared in one's memory: We have a tremendous zechus, because Nechomie was our teacher.

Eighteen years ago we all spent a truly miraculous summer at Bais Chana in Minnesota. Although our travels had taken us all over the globe, we were incredibly similar in terms of background education and outlook, and we knew we were posed on the brink of something very big and very special. Within days we felt as if we'd known each other forever.

Nechomie was there that summer. Her life, obviously, had been vastly different. We came from a world where advanced degrees and conferred status were the indication of intellect, yet she had never even attended college. To top it off she was quite a bit younger (in years only) than most of us. But despite these "differences" we were all soon completely under her spell. She helped us through the complexities of negel vasser and brochos on food with a directness and a warmth that matter-of-factly did away with our fears. Nechomie did not have a judgmental bone in her body. Of course this is one reason why she was the ultimate expression of Ahavas Yisroel. For when there is no yesh, no ego, there can be no separation between people.

Nechomie truly taught by example. She had the instinctive ability to fuse together gashmius and ruchnius and thus live a truly Jewish life. The best example of this is her freezerology. She was an expert in utilizing the freezer, and this was not merely for the sake of being an efficient balabusta -- she strove to be an efficient balabusta only so that she could have more time and energy for the truly important things in life, and yet not shortchange her family and guests on nutrition and comfort. As she froze kugels and challah dough and home-made baby food and went on to write articles about it for N'shei Newsletter she did it l'Sheim Shamayim.

Her very presence in Minnesota that summer was really quite extraordinary. She was already a Kallah, and it would have made sense to have her chassanah before the summer. At a time when it is totally permissible to be absorbed in oneself and the countless details of preparing for marriage, Nechomie consciously chose to push off her chassanah and spend the summer in Bais Chana as a madrichah. And then, when Nechomie returned to New York that Elul she told a relative that she had gone to Minnesota expecting to give, but she had made a group of new friends and she had gained much more from them. This is yet another example of how she took every new person and experience as an opportunity to deepen her avodah.

It can honestly be said that at a certain point that summer we all made the ultimate decision to change our lives forever because of her. Our reasoning went something like this: "Wow -- if this is how people turn out when they're frum, then this is what I want to be!" Pretty naive to think that just because we kept Shabbos and covered our elbows that we would automatically transform ourselves into her, but we all shared these feelings. Rabbi Friedman, with his brilliant psychological discussions of Chassidus, convinced our intellects. But Nechomie won over our hearts and souls to Yiddishkeit.

We could not omit the story of our first Tishrei experience in Crown Heights because she is so completely interwoven with it. Those were the days before Rabbi Mangel had completed the English-Hebrew Machzor, so the best one could do was to purchase a Birnbaum English Machzor and to jump between that and the Hebrew. Nechomie taught us at Machon Chana before the Yom Tovim, and she translated the tefillahs and the "choreography" of the Davening as we dutifully entered her words in our shiny new Machzorim.

Then came the actual experience of 770 during Tishrei. Once again Nechomie personified the true spirit of Ahavas Yisroel. She took us under her wing, and literally gave away her whole Davening. We were so confused and we really wanted to do everything RIGHT and so we tugged at her sleeves like small children asking her to show us the place, and to keep us posted. We had no idea that these were times she wasn't supposed to speak or any thought that she might have kavanahs of her own as she stood at the threshold of her marriage and new life. The Machzorim that we held that year, and the memories of her infinite patience and bittul during those days of Kedushah are things that we will always cherish.

Then came Nechomie's momentous move to Tsfas, and all of the successes and continued growth that followed. Yet, whenever Nechomie managed to schedule a trip home, we would always get together at some point and farbreng. Her beauty, the radiance that was another of her special qualities, was ever more evident with each passing year. And her tznius, of course, was always perfect. One farbrengen stands out especially. Nechomie came in, and very animatedly began to share a Torah thought with us before we had even held our "shmoozing time." She said that she had never quite understood the phrase "the birth pangs of Mashiach," and that she had heard an explanation that had touched her deeply. She said that the stage called "transition" that comes right before an actual birth, for the mother is often a time of confusion and intensity that is accompanied by feelings of hopelessness and anguish. But the midwife has another perspective, and because she sees physical evidence of the baby's imminent arrival, she can offer strength and encouragement. So it is with the final moments of golus. We sometimes give in to these "transition" feelings, but B"H we have the Rebbe Shlita who actually sees Mashiach coming and gives us the encouragement that we have truly almost done it! She shared these words with us some three and a half years ago, and the world is now a different place.

Our mission is clear. Each of us must try to emulate at least some aspect of her remarkable way of life; there is surely no lack of choices. May our tears and our tefillos reach the Heavenly Throne, so that Nechomie Greisman a"h and all of those whom we love and miss can be back with their families IMMEDIATELY.