The Nechoma Greisman Anthology

Section 2: WOMEN Every physical task of a mother is indeed Divine service

A Chabad Woman and her Home

Several years ago, at the annual N'shei Chabad Convention in New York, the Rebbe Shlita explained that when Hashem called the Jewish people, "A kingdom of Kohanim, and a holy nation," He was referring to every Jewish man and woman, and every Jewish child.

Now, how is a Kohen different from a Yisroel -- what is his superiority? The answer is as follows: Whatever a Kohen did in the Beis HaMikdash, even if it only appears to be a routine chore, was an act of holiness. Among the Kohanim were those whose duty it was to check the firewood that was to go on the altar, making sure that it contained no worms. Others washed and repaired the special service garments which the Kohanim wore, yet others were appointed to do building repairs, or prepare animals for sacrificing, place the carcasses on the fire on the altar, wash the floors of the courtyards, and fry the pancake-like minchah-offerings. In brief, they performed the entire spectrum of chores and duties which every housewife is familiar with. When the Kohanim performed these menial chores they did it with a feeling of pride and special distinction. They had been singled out for the privilege of managing the House of Hashem and being His servants. That they were special was evident in everything that they did. The way they walked, ate, etc., expressed the fact that they were G-d's special servants.

The Rebbe then went on to quote the Rambam who states at the end of the laws of Shemittah and Yovel, that any Jew who decides to dedicate himself to Hashem's service is regarded in this sense as a Kohen. It is within his power to completely transform his regular menial tasks in life into Divine service. For example, if a person eats with the feeling that he is doing so to serve Hashem, because it is necessary to eat in order to have a strong and healthy body which can serve Hashem, then his very eating becomes sanctified and dedicated to G-d. This even applies to sleep! If a Jew's sleep is merely a preparation for the following day -- so that he can rise and serve Hashem with energy and vigor -- then his sleep is also called Divine service. Even when sleeping or resting between duties or watches in the Beis HaMikdash, the Kohen was serving Hashem.

The Rebbe agrees that this type of service and the demands that it makes on a person are several times more difficult for women than they are for men. A woman's work requires her to pay careful attention to what she is doing, and to be serious about her tasks. She must work with all her heart, all her mental faculties, and with all her energy. And nevertheless, when occupied with actually doing something, she must be imbued with the thought that this is nothing other than avodas Hashem! In essence, every Jewish home is a miniature Beis HaMikdash, and a woman with her duties is like a Kohen who has been appointed to perform many services.

What is particularly interesting about this sicha is that the Rebbe explained the service of the Kohen in great detail. The Rebbe agrees that a Jewish and Chassidishe home must be clean in the literal sense, and that this takes a tremendous amount of energy, particularly when there are small children in the home. Regarding food as well, a woman must ensure that the food is absolutely kosher, and also nourishing and tasty!

It is obvious that a mother of children must take care of their physical well being, of their clothing, and of their education as well. She has to put her heart and soul into this. Again the Rebbe acknowledges that this takes much strength and energy.

Now even though many of the functions, tasks and duties of a mother do not appear to her to be direct service of Hashem, the Rebbe stresses that every physical task of a mother is indeed Divine service! Even when she merely checks the windows to make sure there is no draft blowing on one of the children, or when she is cooking or baking, she is serving Hashem!

Here the Rebbe emphasized a very important point. A woman should not hang her head and say, "Yes, this is also serving Hashem," as if her service was strictly secondary. Quite the contrary. She should hold her head up high, and proudly proclaim that this is the primary service of Hashem. Founding and building a Jewish home, the inhabitants of which will be imbued with the awareness that their home is a Mishkan of Hashem, just like the Mikdash was and will be, is a task of fundamental and unsurpassed importance. This finds its expression, for example, in the fact that in the first days after a baby's birth, the mother will have placed pesukim in its crib, and will make sure from early on that the child is surrounded by Jewish things and Jewish values. G-d has given us this responsibility, and also the ability to do all this with joy and a sense of fulfillment -- despite the difficulties.

My dear friends -- this sicha, which was given over to all Chabad women and girls, contains a decisive message for everyone sitting here. No doubt remains as to where a woman should place her primary emphasis -- in the home or outside. The first and foremost duty of each and every one of us is to be concerned that her children should be healthy -- both physically and spiritually. Although we can get help from metapelets (mother's help) and baby-sitters, the responsibility for our children is ours.

Recently I heard about a sister shluchah who is very active outside her home. She has helped many many people in the past. Her home is very nice, and is kept spotless. However, her children wander around by themselves outdoors, or with baby-sitters, as if she had no time or mood for attending to them, because of her important duties. I was shocked. My heart felt a twinge.

Is this the Rebbe's intention? Years ago, when the Rebbe began actively encouraging increased child-bearing, he addressed the various justifications that women present against having children in quick succession. One of these claims was that if a woman were often pregnant, or busy with children, her ability to occupy herself with the Rebbe's mivtzoim would be severely limited. The Rebbe's reply was crystal-clear: "Every woman should know that all the mivtzoim she would do, and all the shiurim she would give, and all the guests she would host cannot match the spiritual value of, and the contribution made to the entire world, of another Jewish child!" Every woman was told in clear terms that such a claim was absolutely false. She should make a self-evaluation to see if she was not stealing time from what her young children deserved, for the sake of mivtzoim and shlichus. If so, she should know that this was the exact opposite of the Rebbe's intention.

After the birth of my sixth child, my parents came for a visit. Thursday night came. I was running around between the baby, the washing machine, and the chickens for Shabbos. It was almost midnight, and my father, who had been sitting and learning, looked up at me and said, "This is the most difficult of all mivtzoim."

After the birth of our second child, I underwent a particularly difficult period. I was very tense. At the same time, my conscience bothered me, because for the first time, I found myself completely occupied with a frail baby who was still tiny, and I could not return to my normal pre-baby activities.

At this time, a psychologist who was a chozer b'teshuvah Chabadnik arrived from America. By Hashgacha Protis I got to meet him, and I requested a private consultation. He agreed, and I poured out my heart to him, telling him of my conflict between being a mother who was presently tied to her home, and being an active shluchah. His answer was swift in coming, and was without hesitation. "Being that you are a shluchah of the Rebbe, you must take your cue from the Rebbe himself. When the Rebbe was struck with a heart-attack, he immediately limited some of his regular activities, and he did not return to them until his health had improved. You, as a young mother, are obligated to know that there are different periods in a person's life. The months immediately after birth must be dedicated to your baby. Afterwards you can return to your other duties."

We spoke for a long time about the various pressures on the Rebbe's shluchim, which he was already familiar with from his own home-town. He admitted that there were very few people who had the same kind of pressure on them. Nevertheless, he added, a woman must react differently. Her first obligations were to her family. I thanked him very much for his advice and his clear understanding of the situation.

Since the life of a shluchah requires her involvement in outside-of-the-home matters, she is obligated to learn what her priorities must be in life, and on what things she should spend time, and where (and how) she can take short-cuts. In this age of the freezer, the dish washer, the dryer and the microwave, a shluchah can free herself from many routine loads, and dedicate more time to the service of the heart and soul.

May it be G-d's will that we be successful in guiding our homes in the spirit of Chassidus, and that we give true nachas to the Rebbe Shlita.