The Nechoma Greisman Anthology

Section 4: THE JEWISH HOME When we do something for the physical well-being of others, it becomes a spiritual deed

Notes on Home Management

• Our Sages said, "A man's home is his wife." The proper attitude is -- "I'm not going to cop out."
• When we're happy everyone's happy.
• Sing -- moods are infectious.
• So much of our time is spent on housework, that it is a vessel towards expressing our attitudes about life in general. If we resent it and complain -- subconsciously our children will feel rejected. But if we do it with joy, then all those around us will feel loved.
• Every home is an entire microcosmic world, and a Mikdash me'at (a miniature Beis HaMikdash).
• Chassidus teaches that someone else's gashmius (material needs), is your ruchnius (spiritual service).
• Everything has a purpose -- G-d did not create anything for nothing. Hashem is like a "Balabusta" who runs the world with amazing order and precision. Even the minutest details, like subatomic particles, are precisely arranged and organized.
• The home must be a structured and organized place, where children learn all about life. But this must not be taken to extremes. Instead, find a happy medium between total chaos and showroom neatness. A social worker once told me that a home with small children which is too neat often shows a problem -- that the mother is too obsessed with cleanliness, or that the children feel too intimidated and restricted in their own home.
• A home is a home, not a museum.
• Esther Sternberg said that people feel uncomfortable if a home is so neat that they feel they're disrupting something by sitting down.
• My mother-in-law told me I'm right about not devoting so much energy to housework. She sees now that it wasn't so important.
• Approach homemaking like a business.
• A woman's work never ends -- which is why it's harder for us than for men.
• Work expands to fill the time allocated to it. This is proved by short Fridays and long Fridays -- you are always working right up until candle-lighting.
• We must fit other things into our lives as well, because we are the last generation before Mashiach.

Lists:

• Be one step ahead.
• One must plan but also be flexible with lists, and the more things to do -- the more necessary to plan.
• Where to keep lists.
• Cards of things put away in storage.
• Shopping list note pad.
• Phone calls to make.
• Organize quiet time activities.
• Head and hands activities.
• Schedule activities when you have time to do them. Be realistic about how long things take. Cross things off your list when you complete them.
• Write down meals for the day.
• Plan easy meals when you're busy or someone's sick or "out" days.
• Laundry.

Staying up very late usually results in an unproductive next day. One can't burn a candle at both ends.

Cooking for the freezer is one of the best shortcuts since it makes the best possible use of time and fuel and dish washing time. I taught people to save time with baby food, Shabbos etc., and I called it "The Ahavas Yisroel Campaign." (See "Secrets from My Freezer" series -- Ed.)

Cleaning has to be done. Variation is very wide. Dirt won't go away by itself, so it's better to do things before they get too out of control. It is better to clean up all the time than once a week. Prevention is better, and easier, than cure -- teach your children seder. Make sure they clean up before each new activity. One can teach good habits even to small children. Get them to help and praise them for every bit of help.

I am by no means an expert on household management so I am constantly looking for helpful advice from better balabustas.

Never compare yourself to others. You don't know someone else's energy level, financial level, stresses, health, helpful husband etc. etc. Do the best you can. Take outside help and creative ways of using help.

Analyze what you find most difficult or stressful or hate to do or never get around to doing. Discuss with other people what they do about that chore.

People have more respect for you when you ask for help when needed. Don't be ashamed.

Our grandmothers didn't go on mivtzoim and didn't live all alone, isolated from their families. So they could be totally involved in the house. Maybe they had more stamina, too? It is our job to bear the children and provide for them. But, we don't have to do it all ourselves.

I have a category called "top cleaning" -- clear table, put dishes in sink, put away things from counter, pick up big things from floor and make beds. This is a 15 -- 30 minute job.

Use telephone time wisely -- plan things you can do while talking. Do not let the telephone control your schedule. Get an answering machine or unplug the phone as needed. Don't apologize for having to cut short a conversation. Make phone calls at "phone time."

Time recipes and household activities so you know how long they take for future use.

Fancy baking and cooking is a big time consumer.

Don't let your children be "emotional orphans." It's possible to be home a lot and not "be there." Children won't remember how clean the floor was.

Bored? Get involved and get out! Jobs can also be boring and this requires a lot of soul-searching. Working women can get a lot done in a short time.

Decide what not to do.

Tape this maxim to your fridge -- "This will also pass."

I made hamentashen in 3 stages. One day the dough, one day the poppy-seed filling, and on the third day, I filled them.

Eliminate the less important things and streamline, especially on short Fridays.

Almost every Shabbos dish can be prepared in advance. I make only easy Shabboses. I don't always bake, and I don't make fancy salads or desserts.

A sign of maturity is not equating yourself with your cooking.