The Nechoma Greisman Anthology

Section 3: EDUCATING CHILDREN When Mashiach comes, speedily in our days, we will point proudly to our children and say, "Look at the offspring we have raised."

Thoughts on Educating a Child in Torah and Mitzvos

"I will show you miracles as in the days when you left Egypt." There is a similarity between the redemption from Egypt and our redemption which will soon take place, although the latter will be far more wondrous than the former. But, just as our Sages inform us that regarding the exodus from Egypt, the children recognized G-d first, so too, will it be so regarding the future redemption. And we are the parents of these children. This is a tremendous privilege, but also a tremendous responsibility. It is our task to make these children into boys and girls who will walk proudly in the ways of Hashem, so they will march confidently forward, toward Mashiach. That is, they must and will know what Mashiach implies, and they will want to receive him.

Bringing up children is a great mission. The very fact that HaKadosh Baruch Hu expects every father and mother to fulfill this mission completely, testifies to the fact that each and every one is able to do so. No one promises that this is easy; it is not a bed of roses. However, whoever bore these children has the obligation to sacrifice himself in bringing them up and educating them in the proper Jewish way.

Let's avoid talking about this in theory only, and speak about how we do this in practice, in day-to-day life:

1. A parent must also learn Torah himself, and advance and progress in learning. A woman who doesn't learn is like a mother who tries to nurse a child without eating or drinking.
2. Acquire whatever "accessories" and supports (i.e. toys, books, cassettes, workbooks, coloring books, etc.) are necessary to help the child learn to love Torah and mitzvos. There are many ways to help a child acquire principles and ideas in an enjoyable and interesting way.
3. Make sure that the child learns in an educational institution which follows the spirit of Yiddishkeit. Even if it is necessary to move to another neighborhood to do this, you are obligated to do so. The place where a child learns, and even more so, the people and peers he comes into contact with, will have a tremendous effect on him.
4. Do not rely exclusively on the school, the shul, etc. to educate your child in spiritual matters. One of the principles of education is that it must also take place outside of educational institutions, as the verse affirms -- "Know Him in all your ways!" Every home is a miniature Beis HaMikdash, and so every event in the home can be imbued with sanctity, and can be an opportunity for education. What a child receives at home he or she will never receive in any institution.
5. The mother is the key to the household. This is why she is referred to as the "akeres habayis" -- the root and foundation of the home. If she is happy and smiling, the entire household will be happy and smiling. And if she is nervous and on edge, everyone else in the house will also be. Once, when I was still a student, one of the other students asked our teacher what the essential task of a woman is. She answered, "To be happy." Singing helps.
6. Parents must set a personal example. And in this regard, the way a person acts is the main thing, not how much theory he or she knows. Picture this: A child comes home from school and hears his mother complaining to a friend on the phone about her mother-in-law... Later on, the child comes to his mother to complain about his friend, who did such-and-such... "It's not nice to talk that way about your friend," the mother says...
7. Give your child the opportunity to do mitzvos, even though he is not yet required to do them. A girl should start lighting Shabbos candles from the age of three; a boy should wear a kippa and tzitzis; he should be helped to take the four species on Sukkos; he should light a Chanukiah. Both of them should send shalach manos on Purim, boys to male friends, and girls to female friends.
8. Make every effort to prevent your children from seeing negative things. Everything which a child sees or hears has an effect on him. There was an argument in the U.S.A. concerning television programs. Certain elements of the community were concerned that their children had seen thousands of shots of murder and violence. Some child psychologists argued that children are able to distinguish between real-life situations and fantasy. Others argued that if that were so, why are cigarette companies, for example, willing to pay millions of dollars for indirect advertising, by the use of their products in popular children's movies in a way that the product name would be associated with some heroic character. It is obvious that their studies showed that this message would be absorbed by the children -- for later use.
9. A child is like a seed. When it grows into a tree, it can produce large harvests of fruit. However, the smallest blemish to the seed can destroy the ultimate results completely.