The Nechoma Greisman Anthology

Section 9: NECHOMA AS OTHERS SAW HER An outstretched hand in the fog of confusion

A Role Model

Dear Shmuel and family,

This is a very hard letter for me to write, but one that I feel must be written. I am still in a state of shock, but I feel I must open up in spite of how difficult it is. My year spent in Israel was one of the most precious experiences of my life. I owe much of these positive feelings to you, Nechomie, and your entire family. From the day I arrived in Israel Nechomie was like a mother to me. I always knew I could look to her for guidance and support during the difficult times of being away from home. She was always questioning me about myself and my family; trying to make the transition easier for me. I knew she wasn't just asking to be nice and pleasant -- she really cared. When she felt what I was doing was not in the best taste she did not hesitate to tell me because she was concerned with my life.

I remember sitting up nights with her talking about anything and everything. I really did never comprehend how a mother of nine children could spend so much time talking to me, and still be up and cheerful in the morning.

If there is one thing I learned from Nechomie during the six months I was in your home, it was the importance of hachnosas orchim. But Nechomie was not an ordinary person and she did not do this mitzvah in an ordinary manner. The guests she had were not always the easiest guests. Many times they were girls from broken homes who needed a lot of time and attention. Most of them were women who became ba'alos teshuva later on in life, and they therefore needed a lot of help and guidance. I remember asking Nechomie so many times, "How do you do it? How do you have the patience for such people?" I can't even remember now what she used to answer me, but I remember that it really made an impression on me. It was not easy for her either, but she did it, and she did it happily. There was never a Shabbos that I was at your house that there were no guests. Nechomie had her calendar booked far in advance. Women were always calling to have the privilege of spending a Shabbos together with Nechomie. On the rare occasion that she did not have a guest for Shabbos, she would beg me to invite a friend over. Most of my friends spent at least one Shabbos together with me at your house and they really enjoyed it.

Especially during the Yomim Tovim Nechomie would open up her house to any American keeping two days who needed a place to eat or sleep. One Sukkos I had about ten friends over for the last day of Yom Tov, and Nechomie was so cheerful about it. Nechomie was known all over Israel as "an American connection." If anyone needed help anywhere, they knew they could rely on Nechomie. I remember Nechomie telling me one day about a girl who lived in a home somewhere in Israel. The girl had contacted Nechomie and was complaining to her about the home. Nobody there was frum and she was having a hard time regarding Kashrus, Shabbos, Tznius etc. etc. Nechomie called up the home and discussed different arrangements which could possibly be worked out with them in order to make life easier for this girl. I don't know if you remember this, but she had asked you to get kosher meat from Kfar Chabad and sent it to her together with a kosher pot. Nechomie arranged for a girl to go and learn with her once a week just to give her the extra chizuk. This is just one example of how Nechomie was always willing to help everybody. She didn't have to help this girl; she didn't owe her anything. But yet Nechomie went out of her way completely to do anything which was in her power to help out the situation. I learned so much from her!

When I came back from Israel, everyone asked me how my year was. I could only tell them the truth -- the school where I went was not anything special, but just being around Nechomie and living in the Greisman home made my trip worthwhile. There are so many things I learned indirectly from Nechomie. Just watching how she dealt with you, her children and everyone around her, taught me a lot. The chinuch Nechomie imparted within her children was really incredible. She really gave over everything she had to her children. I couldn't believe how she never got upset or screamed at any one of them. She always dealt so calmly with them and gave each one attention as if he/she was her only child. Now, please G-d, when I get married and have children I have a role model to follow.

At times like this nobody really knows what to do.... However, if there is anything I can do, please do not hesitate to ask me. I don't know how much I can do on this side of the world, but if you think of anything I will be glad to help you out. There are so many other memories I have of Nechomie and of your family, but now is not the time to go over them all. It is still too fresh and difficult for me. Please send my love to all the kids...

May you be comforted among the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem.