The Nechoma Greisman Anthology

Section 4: THE JEWISH HOME When we do something for the physical well-being of others, it becomes a spiritual deed

Managing your Mikdash Me'at

The title of tonight's talk, "Managing your Mikdash Me'at," your own miniature mikdash, is particularly appropriate. So many words and titles could have been chosen to describe one of our major roles, but this title really captures the essence of the subject.

As Jewish and Chassidishe women we are not merely homemakers or housewives, like most of the adult female population, but we are the Executive Directors of a Mikdash me'at -- the sanctified place where the Divine Presence, the Shechinah, dwells. A verse in the Torah states, "Make Me a Mikdash, and I will dwell among them." The Sages point out that the verse does not say "in it," which would be grammatically proper, but rather, "among (or, literally) within them." The Sages add that this therefore means that the Divine Presence dwells within each and every Jew, and the home of every Jew has the potential to be a small Beis HaMikdash.

And we are the kohanim of this Beis HaMikdash!

Examining the tasks of the Kohanim in general, and of the Kohen Gadol in particular, and comparing them with the duties of a wife and mother in her home can be very interesting, and very enlightening! Being the teachers and spiritual guides of the Jewish people, the Kohanim held a special place in the Jewish nation. The Kohanim actually served in the Beis HaMikdash for only a small amount of time, the majority of their time was spent in teaching Torah.

One of the jobs of the Kohen Gadol was cleaning out the cups of the Menorah from the night before, and preparing it for the next kindling. Other jobs were preparing the menachos, or meal-offerings, which were basically like pancakes -- mixtures of oil and flour which were fried or cooked; baking the lechem hapanim; offering the korbonos; preparing the incense. Among the jobs that had to be done in the Beis HaMikdash were cleaning the floor from the blood of the korbonos, repairing anything broken, and making sure the Beis HaMikdash was physically clean and neat.

Why did Hashem "need" a physical Beis HaMikdash at all? Why couldn't the service of Hashem be of a totally sublime and spiritual nature? Why did the Kohen Gadol not only sing and pray and meditate in his Divine service? Chassidus discusses this at length, and comes to the conclusion that the physical world has an advantage over the spiritual realm, and G-d desires a dwelling place specifically in this physical, material world. And because Hashem desired a dwelling place here in this lowly world, He instructed us to build a physical edifice, made from physical components with specific dimensions, specific building material (gold, silver, stone) etc. How interesting it is for us wives and mothers and future wives and mothers to note that the main part of the Kohen Gadol's time was spent in cooking, cleaning, and housekeeping -- and through this G-d's will was done! This is what Hashem asked of him.

The Kohen Gadol prided himself on being Hashem's servant, and he was aware that each task he performed was a mitzvah and a merit. All the Rebbeim had Chassidim who were their assistants. These men, who were learned Torah scholars and pious men, in the course of their day, would sweep the floor in the Rebbe's room, straighten up, and serve food. Every action was performed with tremendous joy. So when we view ourselves and our daily role we should be aware that it makes all the difference in the world how we look at ourselves.

One of the main differences between Yiddishkeit and (lehavdil) other religions, is that in their religion the ritual is performed only in a holy place -- the Church, mosque, etc. In Christianity, for example, religious service is relegated to one day (Sunday), one place (the church), one person (the pastor, minister, priest etc.), and the form of the service is spiritual -- hymns, prayers, and sermons. By comparison (lehavdil), Yiddishkeit is radically different. We are told that we must "know G-d in all your ways," i.e. not only in those things which are overtly spiritual and holy, but even in those things which are referred to as your ways.

Our mitzvos encompass every day of the week and every hour of the day, from the moment we open our eyes to say Modeh Ani and wash negel vasser, to the moment we say Shema and go to sleep. Even when we use the bathroom we have a brocho thanking Hashem for the normal elimination of our wastes, for if this function were disrupted, G-d forbid, we could not survive for long. We serve Hashem all the time, everywhere, and with every fiber of our bodies. We are told that the 365 negative commandments correspond to the 365 sinews of the human body, and the 248 positive commandments to the 248 limbs and organs of the body. And for each limb, organ and sinew there is a commandment -- a mitzvah! Now where do we go to perform the mitzvos? With a very few exceptions like mikveh and burial of the dead -- all of the mitzvos can be performed right in the home. Tzedakah, Shabbos, Pesach, chinuch, mezuzah, kashrus, etc. etc. are performed right in our homes. Even davening in a minyan does not require the physical building called a Beis Haknesses, but rather the presence of ten Jewish males over bar mitzvah age. Surely you are all aware that in Russia and other far-away places most minyanim take place in homes and not in a shul.

Now who do you think was given the responsibility of running this holy home? Us. The Torah calls us "Eishes chayil ateres ba'alah" -- "A woman of valor is the crown of her husband." We are also referred to as an "akeres habayis," the foundation and root of the home! We are the ones granted the responsibility and privilege of elevating the furniture and other articles found in our homes to a level of holiness, by using them in service to Hashem.

When we wash our floors, do the laundry, prepare meals and straighten up the house, we are creating a healthy and pleasant environment for all the inhabitants of our homes, including the Shechinah. In an address to N'shei Chabad, the Rebbe Shlita once said that Hashem is the "Balabusta" of the world and it says, "G-d did not create a single thing in His world for nothing." There is a remarkable order in this world. For each creation there is a purpose. There is nothing unnecessary, and no clutter. And we too, in our microcosm, our homes, must act likewise. We must make sure there is order, and that everything runs smoothly. In each housekeeping task we do, we are actually performing an act of holiness. As the Rebbe has said on a number of occasions, "Another person's gashmius is your ruchnius." When you perform an act for your physical well-being it is a neutral deed. Yet when we do things for the physical well-being of others it becomes a spiritual deed. To whom does ahavas Yisroel apply if not our nearest and dearest -- our husbands and children? While ironing their clothes and bathing the children, while sweeping the floor and shopping, we are sacrificing our lives for them! Are we not engaged in the holy task of running a Torah home and raising Jewish children who will grow up to bring G-dliness into the world? Is it not all for a higher purpose? When I hear these words from our leaders, I feel altogether differently about what I am doing.

Now I was asked to discuss time management and household tips. I wish I was an expert, but I cannot honestly say that I am a model housewife or mother. I wish I could. But I will share with you some ideas that work for me and help me function better in my many roles as Jewish woman, mother, wife, teacher, member of N'shei Chabad, and a shaliach of the Rebbe.

My first rule is to live with the times -- be flexible. By this I mean that our homemaking must change with the changing situations in our lives. As more children are born, as we move to different apartments or countries, go through difficult phases in our lives, we must react by adjusting our methods. Our responsibilities require that there be nutritious food for our families to eat, and that mealtimes should be on time. There should be clean clothing to wear, and a clean and orderly environment to live in. But there are numerous ways to do each of these things, and they depend mainly on our physical health and stamina, our financial situations, the kind of help we have from our husbands, children or others, and our habits. Each of us is required to be on top of her duties, and if she feels herself sinking or failing -- she must seek advice and help. I have spent many hours discussing household responsibilities with more experienced balabustas, and I have learned many shortcuts and tips, and I'm always looking to learn new and better and faster ways. I feel it's my duty to organize my life in such a way so that meals and laundry, for example, do not have to be sacrificed because I have many extra-curricular activities. I have also learned much in this area from such books as Heloise, Mary Ellen, etc., and I try to adapt whatever is relevant to my situation. When there is a crisis, employ emergency measures like getting extra help, cutting out unnecessary activities and eating food which does not need cooking.

The second rule for women in my situation, i.e. women with small children and busy lives, is to get help as much as you can afford, and to acquire labor saving devices that can save your energy. I would even advise you to borrow money to get a dryer. Use disposable diapers, paper plates if you can't even finish dish-washing, get a baby-sitter occasionally to take the kids out, and get cleaning help if at all feasible. These things can make a dramatic difference.

Another rule is to develop a relationship with a trusted woman who is a good Mikdash manager, and consult with her about your problems. It is a relief to know that everyone has the same problems, and a wonderful feeling to discover solutions.

When I was pregnant with my twins I was in shemirah and thus confined to bed for part of the pregnancy. I was forced to run my household from my bed there. Then, after their premature birth, I was again in a very pressured situation. I had five children. The oldest had just turned five, and the twins were feeding every three hours because they were so small. Each feeding took about one to one and a half hours. People were calling Mommy from all directions, and I began to wonder what would happen to them all if I cracked up. I decided that I simply had to manage. I felt that that period in my life was Hashem's way of giving me basic training, and showing me that I could survive and keep the house running well. My solution was to hire help and to keep housekeeping to its simplest. I had a girl to do mending, and another helped with laundry. A third girl helped me prepare for Shabbos. I served very simple meals and cut out all extra-curricular activities till the twins were a few months old. Around that time, I remember reading a recipe that started with the words, "saute an onion..." I remember wondering when the day would come that I would be able to saute an onion again. My idea of cooking at that stage, was throwing food into a pot of boiling water. I started buying cakes and challos, and even side dishes.

Looking back, I can proudly say that Baruch Hashem no-one suffered permanent damage from eating my non-gourmet cooking. I learned then to cope under very trying conditions, and what I learned then I have been applying since. I had been a freezer nut for years before actually owning a separate freezer, and when the twins reached the age of solid foods I would cook a big pot of meat and vegetables, or fruit, blend it, and freeze it in plastic cups which I could then thaw and reheat for meal times. It was my lifesaver and my key to survival! I learned to always be one step ahead and be ready for the next meal, and whatever else was coming up.

There are many ideas I could share with you, but there is one idea which I feel is a very important tool, and I will share it with you. I have cultivated the habit of list-making, and I find it vital to an efficient home. I have a shopping list taped with scotch tape to the inside of a kitchen cabinet. As soon as I notice we're low on any item, I put it on the list, so when my husband or I go shopping nothing is forgotten. I also have a shopping pad with a page for each child, and each type of store. When I notice someone needs new socks, or underwear, or school supplies, or any other items, it goes on the appropriate list, so that when I have an "out day" I can just look at the various lists and remember all the things I needed in the drugstore or clothing store. I also make a list every morning of things that I'd like to do that day. Things that must be done are marked with stars. They take priority over the things that can wait a day or more. On that same list I write my supper menu so I can know early on how much time I have to allot for supper preparation. I also write the names and phone numbers of all the people I must and want to call that day, and I try to daven and say Chumash, Tehillim, and Tanya (Chitas) in the morning before I get involved in my chores. Otherwise, I find that Chitas gets done late at night, and davening gets lost altogether. Erev Pesach I am constantly referring to my list of chores to be done, and I organize myself and assess my progress that way. There are many other aids I employ, but I think I will end here.

I will be happy to answer questions if there are any, and if anyone would like to discuss a household or time-management problem at length, I will be happy to see if I can help you by phone.

I would like to conclude by telling you about a lovely custom practiced by Sephardi Jews. Many Sephardi Jews have the custom of cleaning their house in the afternoon before the end of Tisha b'Av. Wouldn't it be better to wait till the fast is over, you may ask? But they are symbolically preparing for Mashiach while the men are in Shul davening minchah, and making their own preparations for Mashiach. Our homes are indeed a miniature Beis HaMikdash, and with great pride we run them as best we can so the Shechinah can dwell within them peacefully, until the coming of Mashiach speedily in our days.